A Word on Self-Compassion
When I taught Compassion to my students, here's the definition I gave them: the desire to alleviate suffering of others and yourself. The definition doesn't work for me if it doesn't include the last part..."yourself."
When we choose to live a heart-centered, compassionate life, we choose to be in service to others, think about others before ourselves, and seek connection by seeing the best in others (even when it’s hard to).
Keyword: choose.
This is always your choice. However, choosing to be compassionate and self-compassionate can be draining without the creation of boundaries. Boundaries — the lines in the sand we draw — allow us to continue to love ourselves and others.
Without boundaries we leave ourselves susceptible and open to narcissism, manipulation, and various kinds of abuse. If we aren’t careful, we can let our vulnerability and empathy be taken advantage of, leaving us further depleted before we even choose to interact or have an experience.
Boundaries are not selfish — they are healthy and essential.
The Practice of Neutrality
Neutrality was taught to me by a therapist a few years ago after recovering from a narcissistic relationship. The way I have used neutrality is to rely on my knowledge of the situation, the person I am interacting with, and my inner strength to remain even-keeled and balanced.
Think: impartiality.
When feeling too strongly or intensely, I turn within — I use my inner knowing to guide me through a situation and avoid becoming too rattled or sensitive.
Neuroscience Tidbit
When our brain is primed for a stressful experience — when we know what to expect — it mitigates the impact of the stressor.
We are so much better at navigating stressful or adverse situations if we know what’s to come.
Use this knowledge and apply it to the person or situation you are preparing to experience, and use neutrality to carry you through. No one deserves to take your power away from you. You are too strong for that.
Big Takeaway
Leading a compassionate life is a choice — but a choice that cannot be without the drawing of boundaries.
Questions to Ask Yourself:
- Am I making a choice that’s best for me?
- Will I gain something of value from this interaction or experience?
- Does this person, experience, or interaction nurture me?
- Does this person or experience lead me to more growth?
- Am I receiving as much energy or effort toward this relationship as I am giving?
If you answered “no” to any of these questions in regard to your situation, please reconsider how to move forward in a way that is healthy and beneficial for you.
Need more compassion or boundary resources?
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